Two weeks. We’re nearly there. And if we’re being completely honest, some parents can’t wait. There may have been the football, the heatwaves, a few fun days out and perhaps a holiday, but by now the novelty is wearing thin. Should a parent feel a pang of guilt about wanting it to end?
Six long weeks of late nights and even later lie-ins, taxi duties, the constant answering back, the audacity of making polite requests, negotiations over screen time, on-demand meal services and sibling rivalries. You get the picture. A summer of unstructured days can take its toll on parents.
By late August, even the most saintly parent may find themselves triple-checking the calendar to make sure school really does start again in two weeks. With the playground almost in sight, you might think, “I can’t wait for them to go back.” Then, almost immediately: “That doesn’t sound right.”
Perhaps that’s where some of the guilt begins. The school summer holidays are meant to resemble that Disney image: a season-long stretch of sunshine, picnics and children making lifelong memories. Curiously, that version rarely includes the arguments, the boredom and the seemingly endless defence of the snack drawer.
So why are we surprised when it doesn’t always feel wonderful?
Of course, some children may be looking forward to going back. That summer rhythm can gnaw away at them too. Seeing friends again and returning to the things they have missed over the summer can make school feel like a relief. Funny that.
At the same time, many of us will remember the dread of going back to school after a long break. “Will my friends still like me? Will I have the same teacher? Can I really face another six weeks of French and maths?” For some children, the thought of going back might worry them. Time away from the pressures and expectations of school may have felt like a real relief. Now it’s back to timetables, homework and fitting in. Parents often pick up on that anxiety, too.
And that’s the quiet absurdity. Parents often pine for the free time but then fill those quiet moments, when they eventually come, with a fresh catastrophe.
Perhaps some of the guilt comes from the idea we carry around of what a good parent should be. Patient. Available. Attentive. Grateful for the time together. Preferably creating happy childhood memories along the way.
No pressure there, then.
The good-enough parent
The paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott developed the idea of the “good-enough” parent. Put simply, children don’t need perfect parents. Parenting inevitably involves getting things wrong and not always being available whenever children need us.
That’s certainly something to consider by the end of the summer holidays. Wanting some space doesn’t mean you love your children any less, and feeling relieved that school is starting again doesn’t make you a bad parent.
As September approaches, it’s worth noticing how you’re feeling. Days may have become chaotic, your time may no longer feel like your own, and even simple tasks can become difficult. By this point, you might feel exhausted, more irritable than usual, easily frustrated and unable to concentrate. Perhaps you haven’t managed half the things you planned for the holidays. Even when you do find a moment for yourself, it can be hard to switch off.
And somewhere in the back of your mind is the thought:
“I just want to get on with my life now.”
And perhaps you will. The house will be quieter, the routine will return, and you may finally get to do the things that have been sitting untouched for weeks.
But what if it doesn’t?
What then?
What if September arrives, the children go back, the house becomes quiet — and you still feel anxious?
Anxiety often has a way of moving on to the next worry. The days when the children are back at school can pass surprisingly quickly. You might find yourself wondering: “Are they happy at school? How will they do in their exams? Should I have done more with them over the summer?”
The subject of the anxiety has changed. The anxiety itself hasn’t necessarily gone away.
That’s something worth noticing.
Was it only the school holidays that were making you feel anxious?
Maybe the worry isn’t limited to July and August. One concern fades, only for another to take its place. From the outside, you may seem fine, while inside it feels very different. Perhaps you’ve grown so used to carrying anxiety that you no longer notice it or stop to wonder what you’re anxious about.
Sometimes, of course, we know exactly what we’re worried about. There’s a difficult conversation coming up at work, money is tight, or we’re worried about a relationship. At other times, anxiety can be harder to pin down. We just know that something doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes life is simply hard. No further explanation needed.
But if one worry repeatedly gives way to another, maybe it’s worth becoming curious about why. Why is it so difficult to switch off? Why do I always feel as though I should be doing more? Why am I so hard on myself?
Asking ourselves these questions can be the beginning of understanding our anxiety, rather than simply trying to get rid of whatever we happen to be worrying about today.
Counselling can offer somewhere to think about these questions—not necessarily to make anxiety disappear, but to understand a little more about where it comes from and why one worry so often gives way to another.
Perhaps, when the children finally walk back through those school gates, the question isn’t only how they’re feeling about September.
It might be worth asking how you’re feeling too.